


Spider-Woman Complicates Everything

by Regularity



Category: Captain Marvel (Marvel Comics), Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616, She-Hulk (Comics), Spider-Woman (Comic)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, OT3, One Shot, Other, Pining, Rom-com, Self-Loathing, Soul Journals, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-18
Updated: 2021-03-18
Packaged: 2021-03-27 09:21:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30120591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Regularity/pseuds/Regularity
Summary: When Jessica Drew (Spider-Woman) comes back from being replaced by Veranke during the Secret Invasion arc in the comics, she receives a book that links her to her soulmate through another book, and acts as a message-sending device anywhere in the universe. What she wasn't prepared for was discovering the book was already filled with loving thoughts between Carol Danvers and Jennifer Walters, her friends and fellow Avengers alum Ms. Marvel and She-Hulk.Jess has to contend with the conflicting emotions that rise up from seeing these two women's private lives, wondering if she's intruding on their love or if she's worthy to be part of it at all.
Relationships: Carol Danvers/Jessica Drew/Jennifer Walters
Comments: 4
Kudos: 7
Collections: Marvel Trumps Hate 2020





	Spider-Woman Complicates Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * For [asexualsartemis](https://archiveofourown.org/users/asexualsartemis/gifts).



> This fic was written for the 2020 Marvel Trumps Hate charity event, for user asexualsartemis. She requested Carol/Jess Drew/Jen Walters and gave me some prompts to work from, and I chose this prompt from Tumblr: https://ot3muse.tumblr.com/post/190983053793/when-person-a-finally-received-their-soul-journal
> 
> Puns, rom-com cuteness, angst, and fluff abound. Hope you all enjoy it!

Pages and pages of daily life, sweet nothings, minor arguments, and endless examples of love between two people. Two people that Jessica Drew knows so well, and yet feels she doesn’t know at all now. All this interior life. All these gushing emotions, so private. Soul journals, just one more thing that happened while Jess was held captive and replaced by the Skrull Queen Veranke. Just one more happiness she missed out on.

But now it’s here, and she’s sure a mistake has been made. Leave it to the Sorcerer Supreme to mess up something as important as soulmates. Jessica can never tell these two women about this. Breach that most sacred of trusts, that private bond they’d established over nearly a year. A year that Jess was gone and they didn’t realize it.

She stares down at the book now, at the words as they appear on the page. She recognizes the utilitarian scrawl of Carol Danvers, followed by the elegant cursive of Jennifer Walters. Carol is off-world punching space sharks or something. Jen is here in New York City. 

They don’t even bother with names or initials, just chat like some kind of analog instant messenger. Plans for dinner when Carol gets back. Mundane discussions about shopping for some new corner hutch for their dining room.

Jessica watches, shame burning through her at seeing such simple intimacy, but she can’t look away. She can’t help but feel robbed of this harmony.

Carol Danvers, with whom she had shared a mind briefly. Carol Danvers, whom Jess had been meaning to ask out before the whole Skrullnapping. She was going to put herself out there, for the first time in a long time.

And now She-Hulk has Carol. Not just some fling, some relationship that’s going to fizzle when their personalities clash one too many times, or one of them betrays the other with some silly superhero secret.

Jessica is projecting, but she can’t help it.

She stares at the words in the book as they appear:

Carol: I’m so tired of this suit.

Jen: Another cheek peek?

Carol: A buttcheek can only slip out during world-ending fights so many times before it stops being funny.

Jen: To be fair, if a cheek could end the world, it would be yours.

Carol: Ha! I think I need a change.

Jen: You want to go shopping for a new super suit?

Carol: Why can’t I just have one assigned to me by prophecy or something?

Jen: Do you want to be the subject of a prophecy? Those never end well.

Carol: If I’m not sometimes mistaken for a day at the beach, I absolutely would.

Jen: We’ll get you a new suit. Something inspiring, something that cuts a dashing figure.

Jess turns the page.

Carol: Something that kicks ass.

Jen: That too. But maybe we keep the sash.

Carol: Just because you like to yank me around by the damn thing while we’re fighting robots, aliens, or robot aliens doesn’t mean I’m keeping it.

Jen: It’ll be iconic.

Carol: Am I not already? ;)

Jen: You’re trouble, is what you are.

Carol: Trouble with a capital T R O U B L E… that joke doesn’t work on paper.

Jess resists the urge to call them both doofuses and just kiss already.

Jen: I cannot believe you are failing at your own game.

Carol: I’ll think of a good one for when I get home.

Jen: Please don’t. 

Carol: Come home? 

Jen: Ha. Ha.

Carol: I think we’re going back out to fight more laser rhinos.

Jen: You’re making that up.

Carol: I’m really not. See you in a couple days, love.

Jen merely writes in a few hearts and they meticulously fill in. Jess almost throws the book. But after Carol goes off to presumably fight laser rhinos, shapes begin to appear. A rough sketch of something that Jess thinks is supposed to be a laser rhino, with Carol shooting a Photon Blast out of her fist. It’s charming in its simplicity.

Jess can’t help herself. This is all too much, and she’s got to do something. Announce her presence somehow despite her earlier misgivings. She grabs a pen and waits for nothing else to be written for a couple of minutes. Will she even be able to write?

Nothing risked, nothing gained. She makes a slight but obvious alteration to Jen’s little caricature, and waits. The pen marks don’t go away, and a little thrill passes through Jess. Maybe she can’t tell them she’s breached their trust, but she can sure mess with them if they can see this.

She stares at the page with the little laser rhino for what feels like hours until suddenly words start appearing again.

Carol: I’ll have you know it didn’t happen again. Laser rhinos, zombie beavers, and beaver-like zombies don’t get to see my tush.

Nothing else appears for a little while. Jess reaches for her cell phone and texts Jen.

Jess: Hey, do you know when the A’s will be back?

Jen responds a couple minutes later: I think they’re finishing up the mission now. Somewhere out in another star system? Couple days at best. Do you need someone?

Jess: Not really. Bored. Thought I might steal Tony’s suit and frame him for murder.

Jen: That’s not funny, Jess.

Jess: It’s a little funny.

Jen: If you say so. 

Jess: Why aren’t you out there with them?

Jen: Doing some legal work, pro bono, for a friend. Couldn’t get away. How are things on your end?

Jess: Peachy. 

Jen: You can talk to me, you know.

Jess: Cause I ate a peach, get it?

Jen: You’re going to keep doing that, aren’t you?

Jess: What’s a wisecrack who doesn’t crack wise?

Jen: Mhm. Do you want to maybe come train with me later? 

Jess: I don’t train with Hulks anymore. You always get angry and break things.

Jen: That was ONE TIME and you pulled a cheap shot.

Jess: You know who else pulls cheap shots? Winners.

Jen: Ugh. Seriously, though, Jess, stop by the HQ any time. Everyone would like to see you.

Jess: That’s not what the news says.

Jen: The news is wrong. You got dealt a raw deal, and I’m sorry we didn’t notice.

Jess: For a year. Not that anyone’s counting.

Jen: Please come by. Carol will be back in a couple days and I’m sure she’d like to see you.

Jen: Promise me you’ll visit?

Jen: I will come collect you if I have to.

Jen: Jess?

Jess doesn’t respond. The conversations always lead back to the Skrull Invasion. To her “betrayal” as the Skrull Queen. Everything anyone thought they knew about her over that year, her reintroduction to super society, her powers returning, the big hero registration conflict. Everything was a lie, a manipulation to sow as much chaos and discord as Veranke could. Because Jessica Drew had a lot of acquaintances, but few friends. The perfect mole.

And society holds that against her now. Well, to hell with everyone.

She picks the soul journal back up and thumbs through it. Carol and Jen, a lovely couple as it turns out. She wonders if they’ve told anyone or if it’s just a secret. Secrets are valuable. Secrets are deadly.

Jessica goes back to the most recent page and stares at the words “See you in a couple days, love.” It has the finality of a good-bye, but obviously they can keep talking through this journal no matter where in the multiverse they are. At least that’s how Stephen Strange explained it to her when it showed up unannounced and she showed up equally so at the Sanctum demanding answers.

Damn wizards. She thought she’d managed to close down that part of her life, with Morgan le Fay and Magnus and all the mystical nonsense.

Well now it’s just a part of everyone’s life. And he couldn’t even get the thing right.

*****

The next day is when Carol and Jen start chatting again. By now Jess has the book open at all times waiting for words to start appearing, her own little soap opera addiction.

Jen: Aw, the little butt is so cute, I just wanna squeeze it.

Carol: Wow, high on your own supply.

Jen: Pinchy pinchy.

Carol: You keep those giant fingers away from my glutes.

Jen: I cannot in good conscience agree to that.

Carol: Your Honor, the butt was right there. 

Jen: Stop. Oh my God, Carol, I’m actually about to be in a courtroom.

Carol: Your Honor, may I approach the butt?

Jen: CAROL

Carol: If you’ll turn your attention to Exhibit As--

The words are quickly scribbled over, becoming unintelligible. Jess laughs out loud at this exchange. Then her bitterness grows.

Carol: Okay, okay. No more butt jokes while you’re suing someone’s grandma or whatever.

Jen: What kind of lawyer do you think I am?

Carol: Big Green Meanie, Attorney at Law.

Jen: Love to keep the flirt going, but I’m headed in now. You’re home tomorrow?

Carol: Looks like. Kisses, do the law thing.

Jen: Next time you go to fly a fighter jet I’m going to tell you to “do the fly thing.”

Carol: You wouldn’t be wrong.

Jen: Love you.

Carol: Several little hearts appear, messy and unfilled in.

Jess resists the urge to draw in a little butt to further egg this on. Later that evening, after midnight, when she’s settling in to watch yet another spy movie marathon on TNT or whatever, words start appearing again.

Jen: Hey, you up?

Carol: Not much of a sleep schedule in space. Is this a… booty call?

Jen: The butt jokes were barely funny before.

Carol: I’m noticing you didn’t say no…

Jen: No. 

Carol: Sad face.

Jen: Have you talked to Jess lately?

Jessica freezes at seeing her name. How dare they talk about her behind her back. She nearly rips the page out, and has no idea what would happen if she did. She closes the book in frustration, refusing to look at what they’re saying about her. What kind of pity party they’re planning to throw.

Serves Jess right to be spying on them. 

Her apartment is a mess of old takeout containers, bottles, cups, dishes in need of doing. When no one wants you around, you spend a lot of time at home, wallowing in your own misery and anger. She huffs and spends a few minutes tossing out garbage, but the back of her mind buzzes with what might be inside that journal.

What ammunition they might be giving her.

She can’t take it any longer, and she flips the book back open, desperate to know what they’re saying about her.

Jen: Have you talked to Jess lately?

Carol: I tried before we left. She wasn’t very talkative, surprise surprise. Why? Did you run into her or something?

Jen: She texted, asking when you all would get back. She seemed upset? I don’t know.

Carol: Do you want to throw her a pity party? 

Jen: I wish she’d just tell us.

Carol: Look, I know you two don’t have the same relationship that I have with her, but I’m pretty sure if we try to ease her back in, or throw her a party, or whatever, it’s just going to fall flat. We need to get her back into the groove. On a mission.

Jess snorts derisively. If it were that easy, she’d be fine. Inbetween all the booze and takeout, she’s been out hunting Skrulls and other incursions for Brand, keeping her body occupied so her mind doesn’t have time to think.

Jen: We get on okay. I just don’t have the patience for her particular brand of humor.

Carol: Hey, not everyone can just sling masterful puns all day.

Jen: That’s an oxymoron if I ever heard one.

Carol: I believe it’s oxygenius, thank you very much..

Jen: Your Honor, I renew my objection. Butt jokes = never funny.

Jess nods at this. Good for you, Jen, don’t let Carol run roughshod over you.

Carol: Says the woman who emphasized mine by drawing it.

Jess freezes, waiting. They almost touched on it earlier, but this could give the game away. Nothing is said for a long stretch of time that was probably only seconds. Despite herself, beads of sweat form on her forehead.

Finally words appear again.

Jen: But you drew the butt.

Carol: I most certainly did not. The booty wouldn’t have been as pinchable.

Agony while waiting for more words.

Jen: Did Stephen mention anything about these books kind of doing their own thing?

Carol: I think I’d remember sentient soul journals.

Jen: Well, he was a little bit tipsy when he did the ritual.

Carol: Hey, he wasn’t tipsy. He was overdosed on human emotion and the raw potential of soulmates, or whatever. I don’t know, I wasn’t really listening beyond “Ms Marvel and She-Hulk bow chicka bow wow.”

Jen: Stephen DID NOT say that.

Carol: I heard what I heard.

Jen: Maybe something’s wrong with it? 

Carol: You really didn’t draw that in?

Jen: I really didn’t. Let me talk to Strange; until then, we should go dark in case this isn’t as private as we thought it was.

Carol: No fair, magic’s always ruining something.

Jen: I’m serious, go dark. 

The lines stop appearing and Jess stares at it, nonplussed. Of course they’d take this route, Carol and Jen are Avengers after all.

Jess texts Stephen Strange.

Jess: If She-Hulk contacts you, can you be unavailable for a couple days? Like, in another dimension or something?

No answer for a while, and she texts several more times trying to get his attention.

Suddenly a rift opens beside her, and Stephen topples out of it, clothing smoking and the man a coughing mess. Jess falls backwards out of her chair, grabs it out of instinct, but that just makes the chair roll with her until one of the legs snaps. A cacophony of shouts and sizzling magic break through the rift, and Strange snaps it shut with a complicated hand gesture before panting on the ground.

“Damn, Strange, what part of texting did you read as a personal invite?” she yells as she rights herself with arachnid grace.

He coughs again, accepting her offered hand and standing. “Thank you, Ms. Drew. I shouldn’t have been able to receive messages within the pocket dimension, but as you heard, nothing’s going the way it should right now.”

“You’re fighting something in a pocket dimension, how is that anything but exactly what you do all the time?”

He sighs. “Fair enough. You broke me out of the control manifested in that place. Maybe it’s true what they say, 3G is a product of the arcane.”

“Who says that?” Jess asks, skeptical.

“You don’t read enough conspiracy blogs.” He cracks his neck and heaves a huge breath. “And now that I’m free, I guess I’m going back in. You should stand back; the rift has been known to slice limbs.” He begins the complicated gestures again, but Jess grabs his arms and yanks him off-balance, ruining the casting.

“Hey, no wait, what about my text?”

His eyebrow raises in annoyance. “I don’t know why you think my answer is going to be different, Jessica. The spell isn’t wrong. It just… didn’t take you into account when it was supposed to.”

Jess huffs. “I might not know a whole lot about wiggling my fingers and shooting eldritch tentacles from the abyss, but I know you magic boys have baked the arcane arts into as much a science as you can make it. What I do know is tech, at least a little. If you don’t plan for a use case in the code-slash-spell, all kinds of weird things can start happening. Case in point--”

“You think you’re just a kink in the plans of an otherwise perfect soulmate connection?”

“It’s not soulmates plural.”

“Why would it be otherwise? Soulmates are a fiction, Jessica. A fabrication I was forced to make real. For example, there is one soul journal out there shared among five people.”

“Who’s the kink in that plan?” Jess asks, deflecting the sudden swell of hope in her chest.

“Not that kind of connection. Intimate connections do not have to be romantic, nor do they have to be carnal. Have you asked Moon Knight who his soulmate is? I tell you there is but one journal in his case.”

“Huh. Also hey.” She lightly slaps his shoulder, which he looks annoyed at. “You shouldn’t be sharing this stuff out.”

“Look, all I’m suggesting is that it’s not an error in the spell. Merlin knows I make my share of casting mistakes--”

“Is that how you curse? Merlin’s Unwashed Robes, wizards are weird.”

He deadpan stares at her and sighs again. “If you want to continue this conversation, you could come with me and help out.”

“Into a pocket dimension? The last time I went somewhere with a wizard, Morgan le Fay killed me. No thanks.”

“I brought you back, if you’ll recall.”

“For which I am forever grateful, O Wise Magician.”

“Very well. I’m off, then.” He begins casting again, and she interrupts one more time.

“You really think it might be… legit? As legit as your fake ass soulmates are, anyway?”

“It only used to be fake, Spider-Woman. Now, it is very much fact. Take care, and if I die, bards will sing of your cowardice.”

“Better than betrayal, which is what they’re all singing now.”

The rift reopens, and Stephen Strange, the Sorcerer Supreme, vanishes into it with a frown at her own self-defeated attitude. 

Jess stares at the air after he’s gone. The journal is on the counter beyond her vision, but she admits she’s afraid to talk about this now. If she refuses to see it, maybe it’ll just go away.

She scoffs. “When has that ever happened, Spider-Woman?”

She half expects Strange to pop back out and say something snarky, but she’s left alone with her thoughts. Her lonely, cursed thoughts.

*****

The late evening turns to early morning and Stephen Strange hasn’t returned from wherever he went, though the universe hasn’t collapsed in on itself yet, so Jess thinks maybe it’s all okay. What isn’t okay is that Jen and Carol have taken to heart the possibility that the journals are compromised and haven’t written a single thing in them since.

Jess agonizes over this. She knows Carol will be back sometime today--and maybe it’ll be easier to talk it out with her--but in the meantime, Jennifer Walters is putting in the work, trying to find Stephen and exhausting all avenues. Jess knows this because Jennifer Walters pounds on her door after a whole morning of Jess dodging calls and texts. 

The door is reinforced and can contain even lesser super strength, but nothing about She-Hulk is lesser and Jess finally swings the door open on a renewed pounding.

Jen’s in her usual green skin, standing over half a foot taller than Jess, hair pulled back in a severe ponytail and wearing a sharp black pencil skirt and blazer. Jess feels entirely underdressed in her house pants and hoodie, but she holds the door open for the woman, and Jen lowers her head to step through the threshold. 

She says, “Finally, Jess. You realize I can hear your phone ring from outside your apartment?”

“You realize showing up unannounced is rude?”

“Just going to ignore that since I very much announced myself and you let me in regardless.”

“Don’t lawyer your way out of this.”

“Don’t make me lawyer our friendship just so I can talk to you about something--important.” A slight reddish tint colors her pretty green cheeks after that hesitation. Is that embarrassment on She-Hulk? Jess is used to being the only one who could make Banner blush, but she’s never really seen it on Jen before. It’s… fetching is the right word.

As a result, Jess bites back her retort. So they haven’t told anyone yet if she’s embarrassed to even bring it up. Jess sighs and waves a hand. “Well, whatever. I’ve got a job in a bit,” she lies, “so I hope this is quick.” She waves a hand to her sofa, where Jen glances once before nodding and sitting delicately onto it. “What’s this all about?”

A sudden realization that Jess’s journal is in the same room as one of her supposed soulmates. What if they can feel it? Or the journals react when they’re in vicinity of each other? 

It’s hidden away, hastily in a kitchen cabinet, but that might not matter.

“Okay, um,” Jen begins. She fidgets nervously, smoothing her skirt, and then draws a deep breath through her nose, screwing up her courage. She withdraws a book that looks remarkably like Jess’s own soul journal, and Dr. Strange’s words carve through Jess. The spell isn’t wrong.

Jen holds the book out. “So you know what this is, right?”

“A soul journal,” Jess manages. She’s very good at hiding her emotions when she needs to, but this is hard. It’s gutwrenching, and she stands to go to the kitchen, grab a bottle of something, anything. “Want a drink?”

“It’s morning, I have court soon, and you said you have a job.”

“Well, I’m a liar and you look like you could use it.” She drops to the other side of the sofa with a bottle of wine and an empty glass.

Jen scoffs, but then a small smile creeps in while she shakes her head no at the proffered glass. “At least you’re honest about it when it matters. Jessica, I know how close you and Carol are, and how hard things have been since--”

“Since Veranke ruined my life?”

“Since we all failed you.” Jen reaches a hand out, as if to comfort, but Jess draws herself inward. “Sorry.”

Jess asks, “What’s this got to do with soul journals?”

“Well, you and Carol are close, but strained. She might not have told you--we haven’t told anyone yet--” The words die in her throat, and Jess nearly reaches a comforting hand to Jen this time before thinking better of it. This is torture.

“You and Carol are soulmates.” Not a question.

Jen swallows and nods, nervous to be judged. “Is--is that okay?”

Jess tries to be enthusiastic, but the sharpness in her voice tells another story. “It’s incredible. Fantastic. Why are you bringing this to me?”

Jen picks up on the tone with narrowed eyes, but forges ahead. “I’m looking for Strange, to ask him about the journals. Ours might--it might be compromised, and they told me at the Sanctum that you were looking for him, but he’s been unreachable.”

“I was.” Agony. Her stomach burbles with the lie. Why did she think this was going to be fun, messing with these two amazing women?

“Did you get in contact with him?”

She nods. “He’s off in another dimension fighting demon squids or something.”

Jen chuckles. “Sounds like his purview. At least it’s not laser rhinos in space.” She sighs. “That’s what Carol was fighting. She’s fine, for the record.”

“I--I know,” Jess says. Jen’s eyes narrow at her again, and Jess drinks from the bottle.

“Did she give you one of those ridiculous alien tech cell phones she’s always tinkering with? Those aren’t safe.”

Jess shakes her head, standing again. Those phones ARE ridiculous, and she refuses to use them after the last incident. Don’t lie when it matters. Well, this damn sure matters. Rip off the bandage. She retrieves her journal wordlessly, and holds it up behind the kitchen island, using it as a bulwark in case Jen loses it.

Jen stares at it for a moment, uncomprehending. “But that’s--why do you have that?”

Linked soul journals look the same. 

Jen hasn’t put it together yet, but Jess opens the book and holds it up for her to see the laser rhino drawing. “I’ve known about the two of you since this thing showed up for me.”

The sofa’s armrest creaks violently as Jen’s hand flexes on it, then groans as she releases her death grip. She stands, eyes wide, glossy with forming tears, and she approaches the kitchen.

“You’ve been spying on us?”

“Kind of?”

Jen’s hands unclench and she sets her journal on the counter, opens it to the first blank page. “And you can write in it?”

Jess nods, sets her own journal down, and opens to the same page. She writes “Sorry” and watches as it appears in near real-time on Jen’s copy. Jen stares at the word like it’s the most poisonous creature in existence. Her eyes dart back to Jess, and Jess backs up a step, leaving the journal on the counter.

Jen says, “And here I thought I was coming to confide in you as a friend. What did Strange say when you found him? Did he say how to fix it?”

“He--Jen, he says this is the fix.”

“I don’t understand.”

“He says the magic is permanent, very real, and calculated correctly.”

Jen says nothing, taking this in. Jess offers a bottle to Jen again,and this time Jen takes it. She downs half of it in one go, and slams it hard enough to crack it on the counter. It doesn’t shatter, thankfully, but Jen doesn’t look apologetic.

Finally, she nods. “You’re not taking Carol away from me, Jessica. Not after we found each other.”

“I’m not trying to! If Strange is correct, we all share this together. It’s not an either/or scenario. It’s all.”

“Since when do you believe magic does anything useful or good?”

“Because--” Jess shuts up. She doesn’t know how to say it. Not to Jen. Not to anyone, really. Instead, she reaches out for the book. The book that has writing appearing. Carol.

Shit.

Carol: This isn’t Jen’s handwriting. Who is this?

She doesn’t immediately recognize Jess’s handwriting, which is itself a kind of defeat. Jess holds the book and stares at Jen. “Because the alternative is that I got screwed over by Veranke even more than we all thought. Because if it’s a mistake, then maybe I don’t deserve love. Maybe Carol doesn’t need me, and you certainly don’t. Because if I’m not worthy of a soulmate, then I’m not worthy of a whole lot, am I?”

She looks away, can’t meet Jen’s gaze. Revealing herself to this woman, this powerhouse of strength and maturity, of heroism and paladinic nature. Jess doesn’t deserve Carol; she doesn’t deserve Jen. The books are obviously flawed.

“Jess…” Jen says. “I--I don’t know what to say. What you need to hear. Carol would know. Your friendship never made sense to me, and I’ve tried to understand it. You probably read it in these very pages.”

Jess nods. “It was almost sweet, seeing you care. Almost.”

“I do care. She is my soulmate, and I knew that before Strange saddled us all with these journals. What I didn’t know is that you and Carol have always been a package deal. And that’s not fair to any of us if it’s not mutual.”

“You’re telling me.”

Carol scribbles in her journal again.

Carol: Who the hell is this? Jen, are you seeing this? I know we said to go radio silent, but this is weird. Are you okay? Have you heard from Strange?

Jen pulls a pen from her briefcase and holds it over the journal on the counter. Jess stares at the pen before looking back at her own book.

Jen: I’m here, love. The danger is over. It’s not an enemy who has a connection to our journals.

A solid minute passes in tense silence before Carol responds.

Carol: Oh, damn. Is that Jess’s sloppy writing?

Jess laughs despite herself. She thinks her handwriting is perfectly legible.

Jess: Not sloppy, but yes. I’m in the same room as Jen right now. We’re having a frank discussion.

Jen: She claims that Strange says we’re all soulmates. That he wasn’t wrong in the casting, and that she was always part of this soulmate bond.

Carol: Is that true? What am I saying, it must be true. Neither of you are dumb enough or cruel enough to make this up.

Jess gets a mean little grin on her face and she’s about to write something snarky, but the glare from Jen shuts her down.

Jen: I have court this afternoon. I suggest we put any talks on hold until after that, and after Carol returns.

Carol: You say that like one of us isn’t immediately going to go running off on another adventure.

Jen: We can make time for this.

Jess says, “Maybe it’ll be easier in writing?”

Jen’s eyebrow arches up in skepticism. “What do you mean?” 

Jess takes a deep breath. She’s had more time to think about this. Not a lot more time, but more. “I--I did read the entire journal. The beginning, you know, when you and Carol were feeling each other out. When all this soulmate business was so new and you spent time just… learning each other.”

“You want to do the same thing again. But with all of us.”

Jess nods. She sighs and taps the journal. “I’ve never admitted this to anyone, but before the whole Veranke thing happened, I was psyching myself up to ask Carol out.”

Jen blinks as silence folds around them like a suffocating blanket. Jess tenses for anger, for rage, for tears. But Jen keeps composed until she finally says, “Really?”

“It’s no secret anymore, but I was in deep with Hydra and S.H.I.E.L.D. at the time. Pulling double agent duty at Fury’s behest. Reclaiming my powers and some semblance of the superhero life after all that Madripoor business with Logan and Lindsay, and giving up the mantle of Spider-Woman for a while. I wasn’t happy, with how I got my power back and being in Hydra’s pocket yet again, but I was getting there. And then--”

“The Skrull Invasion.”

Jess shakes her head. “I was gone for a  _ year _ , Jen.” 

“I know.”

“You don’t, though. Veranke took my life, but she also took my future. She’d have known about my--intentions, the way their copy works.  _ She _ didn’t act on them because that would have given someone a chance to notice it wasn’t really me. And that would have been bad. You know what my real superpower is, She-Hulk?”

Jen frowns and crosses her arms in front of her. “You’re going to say something sad like anonymity, aren’t you?”

Jess chuckles ruefully. She needs another drink. “Networking. Who don’t I know? Who haven’t I worked with or against over the years? There’s a spiderweb of connections with me at the center, but who out there sends me Christmas cards?”

“You’re on the Avengers list.”

Jessica paces, nodding. Not like that’s special. There’s an entire department dedicated to dealing with mail like that at the Avengers HQ. Hawkeye drew the short straw last year and had to deal with it, which made for very interesting cards, if not heartfelt. 

She says, “Logan sends a sixer of some terrible Canadian beer that was the only familiar booze we could find in Madripoor.” So bad.

“Surely Carol or Lindsay?”

Jess shakes her head no. She doesn’t talk about Lindsay much, either. “Lindsay and I fell out after Madripoor when I wouldn’t give up the idea I could get my powers back.”

Jen hesitates. “And Carol?”

“The only real card on my mantle.”

Jen sighs, pity in her eyes. Jess hates that pitying look. “So you could go anywhere, do anything, without suspicion. Everyone knows you, but no one  _ knows _ you. Is that right?”

Jess’s skin crawls. She hates opening up like this to anyone except Carol. But if the soul journals are to be believed, she needs to expand that circle. “More or less. So imagine how it feels to think Carol might be… might be the one for me, and then have it ripped away.”

Jen approaches Jess now, arms wide in a show of peace. Jess stands ready to fight, ready to flee.

But She-Hulk grabs her and pulls her in, wrapping her awesomely powerful arms in a gentle hug, firm but soft all the same. And Jess fights every instinct in her being, every learned behavior, not to push away. To embrace someone the way they want to embrace her.

And Jess lets go of all her pent up rage, her fury at a world that hates her, her self-loathing at how it’s so hard to do this, and how desperately she pushes it away when it finally comes for her. She leans into the hug, into Jen’s warmth, her head resting on Jen’s chest. She lets herself be loved. She accepts it, and the thumping of her heart matches Jen’s.

After a formless, weightless time, Jen eases up her arms, lets Jess go. Jess’s whole body almost pulses with a kind of calm she hasn’t felt since before all the Skrull stuff. Since she’d made the choice to open up to Carol, come what may.

Jen politely coughs, and Jess chuckles, pushing back just enough to look up into Jen’s eyes. She’s smiling nervously, and Jess returns it. 

Jess says, “You give amazing hugs.”

“Wish I could say the same for you.” Jen smirks, and Jess slaps her shoulder playfully. 

“Here I am opening my soul to you, and you tell me you’ve had better.” But she smiles all the same. “Didn’t know you had sarcasm in you.” Which isn’t true. Jess’s love languages might be sarcasm and nachos, but she’s seen enough of Carol and Jen’s conversations to know that She-Hulk holds back unless she knows you well. 

Jen’s smile fades somewhat, and she releases Jess the rest of the way to reach for her soul journal. She says, “So you want to go away and write love letters.”

Jess fights a reddening of her cheeks. “I didn’t think of it like that, but yeah, I guess.”

“Then we should start by answering Carol’s frantic questions.” She holds her journal out to Jess, and Jess reads the almost comical words under Jen’s last message.

Jen: We can make time for this.

Carol: Okay. But what do we do until I’m home? Just sit tight and say nothing?

Carol: The lack of response is very reassuring. You better be fighting Titania, or Morgan le Fay, and not each other. I will fight both of you if you’re punching each other. 

Carol: Hello? 

Carol: Oh my God seriously someone say something this is killing me.

Carol: I WILL FLY THIS SPACESHIP DIRECTLY TO MANHATTAN.

Carol: Okay, so I won’t do that but if one of you doesn’t write something I will fly you into space without a suit. I can do that, you know.

Carol: Jen? Jess? Wait. NO SMOOCHING WITHOUT ME THERE TO SUPERVISE.

Jess cackles and reaches for the pen, then holds it out to Jen. “Probably better if she hears from you first.”

The big green woman shakes her head, though, and pushes the pen back towards Jess. “Might as well get used to someone else writing in these things.”

Jess holds the pen to her chest like a talisman, and nods. This is so weird. 

Her fingers shake as she puts pen to paper.

Jess: No murder or making out around here. She-Hulk is a great hugger, tho.

Carol: Hell yeah she is. Okay. So this is completely wild, and it’s killing me that I’m not there to sort this out in person. Jen? Is she on the level?

Jen: As you said, we’re not cruel enough. Jess has proposed

Jen stops writing for a moment, considering. “Perhaps that’s the wrong word to use in this instance.”

Jess glares at her. “Only if you don’t complete the thought, for crying out loud.”

Carol: Uhhhh proposed????

Both Jen and Jess blush and avert their eyes

Jen: Apologies. She suggested we use the soul journals to “feel this thing out” and figure out if it really is like Strange says.

Carol: Three soulmates… I knew it was possible, love is messy and hard to categorize, but I didn’t expect it for myself. What a world.

Jess: So we’re doing this, then. I’m gonna puke, or pass out, or both. 

Carol: Just don’t, you know, get any on the journal. The smell can transfer if it’s strong enough.

Jen: Don’t remind me, please.

Jess: Wow, all that butt humor could have been hilarious if I’d known that.

Jen stares at Jess, pen poised over her journal. “Gross.”

Jess smiles viciously. “Hate to break it to you, She-Hulk, but if you thought Carol’s puns were bad, just wait until we’re in the--” She breaks off, face reddening again, and turns away. She’d been so focused on the potential she’d lost with Carol that it never occurred to her that she might be attracted to Jen. Or that Jen might have the same inclinations.

To distract herself, she stares back at her journal. 

Carol: The sanctity of my excellent booty puns shall not be sullied.

Jen smirks at Jess, seen out of the corner of Jess’s eye.

Jen: Maybe an exorcism would be appropriate.

Jess grins back, darting her glance up to see Jen’s eyes twinkling. This is bizarre, and such a wrench in the woman’s plans, but she seems to be taking it in stride.

Jess: Okay, this is all very cute, but one of us has court this afternoon and probably needs a second to compose herself.

Carol: I told you not to jaywalk.

Jen laughs out loud, a sprightly chuckle Jess suspects is mostly for show, because that was  _ not _ that funny.

Jen: I really do need to get going. Should be wrapped up in a couple hours, and then you’ll be home tonight, right, C?

Shorthand for Jen and Jess will be more complicated, but they can figure it out. Right? They can figure it all out.

Carol: I’m in the solar system, so around 5 hours? Should we plan for a late dinner, after the A’s debrief, and we can sort this all out?

Jess glances back at Jen and shrugs. Jen shrugs back, eyes wide and giving nothing. Jess is not used to someone deferring to her, and that’s all too easy to take advantage of.

Jess: Probably not the best idea so soon. You two chat and have a very frank discussion tonight, and I’ll loop back in tomorrow, see where you stand?

Carol: Just because She-Hulk gives you those big doe-eyes doesn’t mean you need to give in to her. Also just because Spider-Woman shrugs and pretends she doesn’t care doesn’t mean you need to give in to HER.

Jen: This is complicated.

Jess: I’m a messy interaction at the best of times.

Carol: Hey. We will figure this out. I love you both, and that’s not changing no matter how this pans out.

Jen is now the one to glance up at Jess, and Jess smiles uncertainly, letting Jen take the lead on how to respond to that.

Jen: Love you, too.

Jess circles that in a heart.

Jess: Ditto.

Both of them in the room know what just happened, in that neither committed to saying they loved each other, only Carol.

Carol: Mwah. You’re my gals. Jen, go kick ass in court. Jess, take a shower and do your laundry. I’ve gotta start approach and reentry vectors, or Clint might get nervous and try to pilot this thing himself.

Jess smiles.

Jess: I’m scoffing at you, Carol. Consider yourself scoffed at. Go on. I’ll send Jen on her way and we’ll talk later.

Jen: Fly safe. See you soon.

When no new lines appear from Carol for a solid minute, Jess and Jen close their journals and stare at each other. Carol’s opened a rift a mile wide between them even if she doesn’t realize it.

Jess says, “I’m not taking her from you, Jen. I swear I’m not.”

“No matter how this goes, I learned one thing just now. Carol settled for me.”

“That’s not true. Are you completely daft?”

“The moment she found out you were in the mix for soulmates, she was totally okay with it. Full stop, yes please, give me some of that Spider-Woman.”

“That’s not--”

“Don’t patronize me, Jess. You saw it just like I did. It took months for her to say she loved me even though we knew we were soulmates and it felt so right. At least to me it did. Now I’m not so sure.”

Jess says nothing. Nothing is best. If she opens her mouth, she might let the snarky version of her come out, the one who pushes away, the one who can’t accept love because she doesn’t believe she deserves it.

But what she got out of today was not the same thing that Jen perceived. While Jen packs up her journal and prepares to leave, Jess steps around the island again, moves in close.

“You need to get that out of your head. I may be garbage at my own life, but I can see love when it’s so obvious. Carol loves you. Full stop loves you. Maybe she  _ was _ disappointed when she found out it wasn’t me--and that’s up for mega debate--but if you go back through this journal, you’re going to see that she didn’t settle. She loves you, with all her heart.”

Jen looks down at Jess, sighs, and her whole posture changes. She stands taller, straighter. “Love advice from the Spider-Woman. Wonders never cease. Jess, I--” She stops short. “I don’t know what to think. I really don’t. I want this all to be okay, and that means for you, too. Maybe we weren’t the closest people around, but I know what you’ve done for Carol, and what she’s done for you. I wasn’t there for her at her lowest points like you were. She loves us both, and if this whole thing is going to work, it’s not Carol that we have to worry about. It’s you and me.”

“Well, I can certainly agree with that.” Jen goes for the door, and Jess softly touches her arm to stop her. “Hey. Broken record over here, but we’ll figure this out. I’m sorry it came out the way it did. It was messed up. Do you know the other thing Strange told me?”

“Some mumbo jumbo about magic being an inexact science?”

“He told me that soulmate bonds don’t necessarily mean romantic.”

That gets her attention. “You mean for us?”

She shakes her head. “I don’t know. But it’s out there. Love is a spectrum and soulmates are stranger than the man who made them real.”

“Platonic soulmate?” Jen says, almost to herself. Jess doesn’t like how quickly Jen attaches to this notion, and realizes that it’s not what she wants.

“For the record, I learned something from today, too.” Jen glances back to her, searching her eyes. Jess continues, “That you’re a smokin’ lady and it isn’t often I get to be the short one in the embrace. It was--well, it was nice.”

That forces another round of reddened cheeks. It’s all in the open now, so why is it still so hard to talk about? It’s hard because she doesn’t want to mess it up. She  _ does _ like She-Hulk. Not for the same attachments that drew her to Carol. No, that was an intimacy born of shared trauma, of being each other’s person when it mattered most and no one else was there, no one else who could understand it. What would a relationship look like that was built on something else, something positive?

Jen says, “Thank you for the compliment. You are also very ‘smokin’.” Jess grins, and they both smile and laugh. She reaches out to embrace Jess again, and Jess lets her pull her into another hug. It’s just as warm and inviting as before, if not somehow more? Jess breathes deeply of the woman’s scent, a mix of sweat, light perfume, and confidence. It excites her. Her body responds, and she feels Jen’s quickening pulse in response.

Jen releases her, and bends down, brushes her lips against Jess’s cheek. It’s fire against ice, a thunder crack in the wake of lightning, a tsunami against an unsuspecting shore. And Jess craves more. But Jen lets her go, standing to her full height once more, cheeks flushed, breath shallow.

“For what it’s worth, I think platonic is off the table, Jessica Drew.”

Jess holds a hand up to the kissed cheek. “How did Carol put it? Go kick ass in court.”

Jen smiles and closes the door behind her, leaving Jess alone. But only in the physical sense. That gentle peck on the cheek was a promise, a dare, a threat.

And Jess always rises to the challenge.

*****

The night passes without Jess hearing from Carol or Jen, and if they’re together again, the journals won’t be used. Agony over what they could be talking about, what decisions they’re making about all of this. She resists the urge to drink heavily, and instead busies herself with emails from Abigail Brand, recommending potential Skrull incursions to investigate. 

Yet she can’t help herself, and she leaves the soul journal open on the kitchen island next to where she has her laptop open. Just in case.

Instead of the soul journal, though, Jess’s phone buzzes and she tracks it down inside the cushions of the sofa after several insistent texts. They’re from Carol, and she flops onto the sofa to read them.

Carol: What did you do to Jen?

Carol: She’s all hot and bothered

Carol: I was pretty specific about no smooching if you recall

Carol: What the hell, Jess

Jess’s stomach flutters with nervous energy and she feels like she might vomit all over again. What had happened after Jen left? 

Jess texts back: I didn’t do anything. We hugged and she kissed me on the cheek, that’s all.

Carol: You didn’t use your pheromones on her?

Jess is in the middle of a very angry reply text when another text pops in.

Carol: Sorry, that’s uncalled for. I know you wouldn’t do that. Ugh this is so strange and it’s thrown my instincts all out of whack. Are you free tonight? Jen’s gone to bed, but I have some nervous energy to burn off.

Jess deletes her angry text. She almost sends it anyway, serve Ms. Marvel right for even thinking it, let alone getting to the point of accusation.

Jess: Glad you took that back. I have a potential Skrull incursion out in D.C. if you want to get your boots wet.

Carol: Mmm, I’ll be over in a minute. Suit up, Spider-Woman, we’re hunting Skrulls.

Jess’s whole body warms at the thought, even as she tosses the phone down to slip into her red and yellow super suit.

Somewhere, in some alternate dimension, things must be easier than they are in this one. Some alterwhere in which they didn’t need soul journals to tell them all what they all already knew. Some timeline in which Carol and Jess weren’t so utterly broken that they had each other in every way but one. Where Jen could be assured that she wasn’t getting nudged out of the best thing in her life. Why couldn’t that be here, why couldn’t that be now?

Are they all so ridiculous that they can’t make this work?

The balcony door slides open while Jess struggles with the skintight suit. “Jess? You ready?”

Casual, like nothing at all is wrong.

Jess gets the suit at least up around her shoulders and calls out, “Back here, a little help?”

She doesn’t need the help, but she’s having a moment of brazen confidence. Soul journals be damned, it’s out in the open. Carol wants her. She wants Carol. Jen is open to it all.

Carol nudges the door open, looking painfully good in her Ms. Marvel getup. It’s a glorified swimsuit, no doubt about it, but Jen and Jess don’t have a lot of room to complain. Only Carol has modified her suit somewhat. The red sash drapes over her hips with a bit more coverage than usual, and the suit extends down to her thighs, like weightlifter’s shorts. Blame She-Hulk for that look. Or thank her, Jess thinks.

“Trying something new?” Jess asks, admiring. 

Carol runs her fingers through her hair, pushing the blonde locks behind her ear. “Well, you read the journal.”

“Close me up?” Jess turns, exposing her back to Carol, and she tries to keep from a sharp intake of breath at the tingle when Carol’s fingers brush her bare back, closing up the suit for Jess. Trying and failing to hide her excitement at the touch.

“You didn’t need me for that,” Carol says.

“Not for that.”

“This is so weird. Why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Jess sits down on the bed, patting next to her for Carol to sit as well. Carol does, and Jess breathes deep. Carol’s scent is mixed with Jen’s, and that makes this both easier and harder. 

“Why didn’t  _ you  _ ever tell _ me _ ?” Jess shoots back.

Carol chuckles, knocking her shoulder into Jess’s. “We’ve always been a mess, haven’t we?”

“Truer words. Look, I’m sorry for how this all played out. I shouldn’t have read the journals without telling you both about it. I shouldn’t have messed with it.”

“I might have the vapors if Spider-Woman is apologizing.”

“Jerk,” Jess says, smiling. “Is this okay? Us by ourselves without Jen?”

“I think it has to be?” Carol says. “Jen and I never had any real baggage. When the journals came to us, it was a kind of… catharsis, I suppose? It took out the guesswork. The uncertainty of attraction. After all my stuff, it was its own kind of attraction. Uncomplicated.”

“I’m not precisely that,” Jess agrees.

Carol shakes her head. “No, but you’re also what I needed. What I need. Jen’s a mess right now, and that’s not her fault. She didn’t ask for--”

“Complication?” 

Carol nods. “But whatever you and she talked about, it smoothed things over.”

Jess reaches a tentative hand out and Carol takes it in hers. They squeeze reassuringly, and Jess frowns. “It was basically me telling her that I’m not taking you away. And then reiterating it. And then assuring her.”

“This whole thing’s thrown her out of equilibrium, and I hate it. She’s a force of will normally and it’s everything I can do just to keep up with her. That she crashed instead of pillow talk tonight…” Carol’s face reddens. “Sorry, that’s probably not a thing we should talk about yet.”

“We could just go punch Skrulls.”

“I’d love that. You might be working some stuff out because of what they did to you, but I’m ready to work out what they stole from us a little bit.”

“If they make fun of your hot pants, it’s not my fault.”

Carol snorts laughter. “Better a distraction than a wedgie.”

Carol flies them off to Washington, D.C., and unspoken between them is what they’ve always known but were too afraid to say. 

*****

A few days later, Jess stares at her journal while watching the clock for her pizza delivery. Things are going well. Scarily so. After their midnight Skrull hunt, Carol and Jess agreed not to see each other in person, to keep their conversations limited to the journal. To give this thing a proper chance. And in some ways it’s the hardest thing Jess has ever done. In others it is frustratingly effortless.

She sets the book down and collects her pizza, and as if they were waiting for her to stop looking at it, elegant cursive appears as she sets the box down next to the book.

Jen: Court went well. I think we’re going to win this one. How are your days?

Carol: X-Files marathon, so I’m comparing my life to the monster of the week episodes.

Jen: How’s that going for you?

Carol: I watched Scully humor Mulder for 23 episodes and they never kissed.

There’s a hesitation in the writing. Jess is nervous about this. They’ve chatted over the last couple days, but it’s felt stilted, awkward whenever intimacy came up. They all know the pressure is there.

But she abandons caution and grabs the pen. If it’s going to work, it has to start. If it’s going to fail, well, it’ll fail and she’ll be back to square one, killing Skrulls and drinking to forget.

Jess: Must be hard being the Mulder to our Scully’s.

Jen: I don’t know that show very well. Which one was the sassy doctor?

Jess: Whaaat. Care Bear, you haven’t forced Jen to watch a zillion horror things with you?

Carol: I was building up to it! Scully is the doctor, but I don’t know if sassy is the right word. Awesome, maybe. 

Jess eats a slice of pizza piled high with too many meats, and a piece of sausage drops off it onto the book, spattering it with grease and sauce.

Jess: Whoops. 

Jen: Is that blood?

Carol: Smells like the blood of our greatest enemy, Pizzarian.

Jen: I’m rolling my eyes at you.

Jess: Pizzarian is very real. And he’s in my tummy now.

Carol: What about his sidekick, Pepperollius?

Jess: I’m a glutton, but it’s still just me here.

Jen: It doesn’t have to be.

Carol: What happened to sticking to the book?

Jen: If I have to smell pizza, I might as well be able to eat the pizza.

Carol: What do you think, Spidey?

Jess: If you never call me Spidey again, you can move in tonight.

Jess: I mean. Shit. 

Jess: Uh. Yes. Yes to movie night. You will need to bring more pizza.

Jen: Did you order a small?

Carol: Oh, sweetie, you’re going to get an education tonight. You’re almost 7 feet tall and she can eat you under the table.

Jen: With that figure? That’s not true. Is it true?

Jess: Better call up the Saucester Six to deal with this challenge.

Carol: Hey! Puns are my thing.

Jess: Learn to share, my dear.

Jen: Aren’t we already?

Carol: Awkward.

Jen: Order the pizzas.

Carol: What’s the conversion rate on two Spider-Woman orders? 

Jess: Two point five She-Hulks.

Jen: I refuse to believe this.

Carol: You’ll see.

Jess: Bring snacks, too.

Jen: Nachos and ice cream?

Jess warms to see that response.

Jess: Someone’s getting the Cliff’s Notes on the Spider-Woman textbook.

Carol: Hey, you are ALWAYS eating one of those things.

Jess: They shouldn’t taste so good!

Jen: We’ll see you soon, Jessica.

Carol: So formal.

Jess: It’s kinda nice.

It really is. Like asking a girl to dance at the prom. Not that she really knows what that’s like.

Carol: Kisses. See you soon.

Jess drops the pizza and the journal and darts for the shower. A double Jess order of snacks and food doesn’t give her a ton of time to get ready, but she’ll be damned if she lets them show up while she’s in her sauce-stained jammies and ponytail in need of a shampoo.

The door knocks while she’s still cleaning up the living room, and she shoves it all into the garbage can before swinging the door open, breathless anticipation and nervous energy bubbling to the surface.

Jen and Carol stand together, Jen leaning into Carol a bit, which would be amusing due to their mismatched sizes if it wasn’t so endearing. They’re wearing appropriately casual but obviously date night clothes: cute, colorful blouses and form-fitting jeans. They put on their own nervous smiles and hold up a mountain of pizza and grocery sacks full of soda, ice cream, and stuff to make nachos.

Jen says, “I know we were joking around about the amount of food we can eat, but seriously, we cannot eat all this.”

“Challenge accepted,” Jess says, taking the pizzas from Jen, who takes a sack from Carol as they all head inside.

“I also brought the tummy settlers,” Carol says, shaking a bottle of antacids. “Because not only is this enough food for the Avengers, it’s a wild disparity. Pizza? Nachos? Rocky Road? None of this goes together.”

And yet, it seems like it does. Jess shuts the door to the outside world, ready to see how they fit together. 


End file.
